PIGS IN SPAAAAAACE! episode 417

One of my favourite episodes from the Muppet Show. Hope you'll enjoy it :-)




SCRIPT

PIGS IN SPACE episode 417 part 1
[Scene: outer space; interior of the Swinetrek]

(The pigs in space theme music plays in the background while a spaceship is seen flying around in space.)

Narrator: And now, PIGS IN SPACE!!!!
The last time we saw the spaceship SwineTrek, we hoped it would be the last time. But, it’s back.

(Luke, C-3PO, and R2-D2 are at the controls of the Swine Trek.)

Luke : 3PO, activate the navicomputer.

C-3PO : (disgusted) Eww! I’m not awfully keen of this spaceship, Master Luke. It’s so messy! Cakes, coffee, sandwiches...
Luke : Will you stop it! You don’t hear R2 complaining, do you?
(R2 beeps and moans.)
C-3PO : Yes I do. He just said it’s like a pigsty.

(Captain Link Hogthrob enters.)
Link : Hey, what’s going on here? I’m Captain Link Hogthrob, and this is my spaceship!

C-3PO : That explains everything.

Luke : Why don’t you let me explain. I’m Luke Skywalker. My friends and I have just borrowed your spaceship so we can rescue our friend Chewbacca the wookiee.

(Miss Piggy appears at the doorway and sees Luke.)
Miss Piggy : Mmm...! It’s Luke Skywalker! Ooo! One of the heavenly bodies! I’ll go change. (she leaves)

Luke : Now is there anything else you’d like to know?

Link : Yes, I have one very important question I’d like to ask you.

Luke : What’s that?

Link : Who’s your tailor? I love that outfit!

(Dr. Julius Strangepork enters.)
Strangepork : Link! Link! What’s happening?

Link : I’ll explain later. Right now I’m talking to Luke. 

Strangepork : Luke?

Link : (turns to Luke) Well, now, perhaps if I give you my measurements...

Strangepork : Wait a minute, wait a minute. Hey, hey, who are you? (looks at C-3PO)

C-3PO : I am C-3PO, and that is R2-D2.
(R2 beeps.)

Strangepork : I’m Dr. Strangepork.

C-3PO : Oh my! and I thought our names were weird.

Strangepork : Hey! Oh boy! Hot diggity dog son of a gun! Oh, boy! Oh look at that! Hey, could I play with your toy robot?
(Strangepork walks towards R2-D2)
C-3PO : He’s not a toy robot! He’s a scientifically programmed droid, and he is not to play with.

Strangepork : Ah come on, let me push just one button.

C-3PO : Don't be disgusting.
(Strangepork starts pressing some buttons on R2. R2 stars shakes and throws Strangepork across the room, and C-3PO catches him)
C-3PO : Well I did warn you.

(the camera moves to Luke and Link talking)
Link : Well you’ve got my jacket size.
Luke : (reads a notepad he’s writing on) 44 long. And your head size: (looks at the camera) 42 thick.
(Miss Piggy bursts in dressed like Princess Leia, hair buns and all, and runs to Luke.)
Miss Piggy : Luke! Luke! Luke! Luuuuke!!!! (she starts hugging him) It is I, the princess! 

Luke : Princess?

Miss Piggy : Yes. I’ve just escaped from an evil fiend who held me prisoner!

Luke : (chuckles) Well, the evil fiend must feed his prisoners well.

Miss Piggy : What? 
Luke : Well, uh, what I mean is that it looks like you’ve put on hem....

Miss Piggy : (pulls Luke down and threatens him) Psst. Look, Skywalker, go along with this or I’ll cut you in half.

Luke : (stands back up straight and pretends to be happy) Look! It’s the princess! (smiles and hugs Miss Piggy)

C-3PO : Doesn’t look like the princess to me.
Miss Piggy : Watch it, hardware.

(R2 beeps something.)
C-3PO: Master Luke, we’re about to make a landing. And look who’s there!
(sinister music plays, and Dearth Nadir, who surprisingly resembles Gonzo, appears in the view screen)
Everyone : Oh no! Dearth Nadir!

Luke & C-3PO : (turn to each other) who?

Narrator's voice : Stay tuned for part two when the Swine Trek lands on Koozebain and we learn the true identity of this archfiend.

Nadir(Gonzo) : (looks at the camera) the world will never know!

(cut to a Muppet News Room)
Newsman : Here's a bulletin from the Muppet newsroom. The spaceship Swinetrek is about to make a soft landing on a distant planet. (The News man throws his note and reads his next headline) Another Planetary news: Venus is about to make a hard landing on the Muppet News room. (Newsman gets confused) That doesn't make sense!.........
(A Statue of Venus drops on the news desk)

* * * * * * * * * * * *
PIGS IN SPACE part 2
[Scene: the surface of the planet, Koozebane ]

Narrator's voice : When last we left our intrepid band, the spaceship SwineTrek was about to make a soft landing.

(Loud Crash. The crew stumbles out on the planet Koozebane.)
Luke : You call that a soft landing?

C-3PO : I sprained my celluloid's.

Link : Well you were in the driver’s chair. You forgot to push the stoppy-thing!

Miss Piggy : It’s called a brake, dummy.

C-3PO : Excuse me, Master Luke, but shouldn’t we be looking for a safe refuge on this planet?

Luke : Exactly right, 3P0.
(R2 beeps.)
Link : I know! We can hide in that cave over there!

Luke : Ahhh! A good plan!

(sinister music plays, and Dearth Nadir appears out of the cave.)
Nadir (Gonzo) : Ha ha ha! 

Miss Piggy : It’s...its Dearth Nadir!

Luke : (sees puny little Dearth Nadir) THIS is Dearth Nadir?

Link : (frightened) Yes, isn’t he just icky?

Luke : Well, what do you want of us, Nadir? (Nadir just breathes loudly.) Well why don’t you say something? (Nadir keeps breathing...) Speak!
(Nadir walks up to Luke.)
Nadir (Gonzo) : Who’s your tailor? I love that outfit!
(Luke rolls his eyes.)
Luke : All right, Nadir! Take this! (pulls out his blaster and tries to shoot, but nothing happens.)

Nadir (Gonzo) : Ha ha ha ha ha!!! At last you know the awful truth! This here, my dear friend, is a crypto-anagon transmitter. (Nadir produces the crypto-anagon transmitter) It can totally neutralize any blaster.
(R2 beeps and moans.)
Luke : This means we must resort to the ultimate weapon! 

Nadir (Gonzo) : (pretends to be scared) Oh! And hoity toyty what pray tell might that be?

Luke : Chewbacca the wookiee!!
(points to where Chewie comes out behind a rock. The Star Wars theme starts, Chewie roars and starts strangling Nadir. Everyone cheers.)
Nadir (Gonzo) : Chewbacca's escaped!..... Ah!......

Luke : The jig is up, nothing can stop good ol’ Chewie!

Nadir (Gonzo) : One thing can! 
Luke : What’s that?
Nadir (Gonzo) : Angus McGonagle, the gargling gargle gargoyle!!
(Angus appears on stage gargling loudly, and everybody moans and covers their ears.)
Luke : Horrible! Trapped by Dearth Nadir! Our weapon’s useless, and now we’re being tortured by gargling Gershwin! Ugh!! What could possibly get us outta this!?

(Kermit appears on stage.)
Kermit : What else? A song and dance number!
(music starts playing and all the Muppets sing "You are my lucky star")
Kermit : Okay that’s the song part. Now comes the dance! Take it, Chewie and R2!
(Chewie starts swaying back and forth while R2 spins around in circles.)
Kermit : C-3PO, you’re next! 

C-3PO : I certainly don’t dance.

Kermit : Oh, but this is our big ending.

C-3PO : Oh all right.
(C-3PO starts to tap dance.)
C-3PO : Lucky I once saw a Fred Astaire Film!
(C-3PO continues to tap dance.)
(Audience clapping)
Kermit : Okay that was really wonderful! Okay, ( Enters Luke clapping to C-3PO) Luke next! 

Luke : Not me. I’ll go get my cousin.
(Luke walks off the stage)
Kermit : Huh? (Kermit & C-3PO satire each other and look at the camera)
(Mark appears in a tuxedo and starts singing all dramatically. Audience clapping. The Muppets join him and everyone sings “When you wish upon a star” and sways to and fro. A castle rises in the background and fireworks go off.)

Inglese 2 - Tom's Diner

I am sitting in the morning
at the diner on the corner
I am waiting at the counter
for the man to pour the coffee
and he fills it only halfway
and before I even argue
he is looking out the window
at somebody coming in.

do do do...

"It is always nice to see you",
says the man behind the counter
to the woman who has come in –
she is shaking her umbrella.
And I look the other way
as they are kissing their hellos,
and I'm pretending not to see them,
and instead I pour the milk.

do do do...

I open up the paper:
there's a story of an actor
who had died while he was drinking –
it was no one I had heard of.
And I'm turning to the horoscope
and looking for the funnies,
when I'm feeling someone watching me
and so I raise my head.

do do do...

There's a woman on the outside
looking inside: does she see me?
No, she does not really see me
'cause she sees her own reflection.
And I'm trying not to notice
that she's hitching up her skirt
and while she's straightening her stockings
her hair has gotten wet.

do do do....

Oh, this rain it will continue
through the morning as I'm listening
to the bells of the cathedral...

[I am thinking of your voice]

Inglese 4 - If I Were a Boy

[Intimacy. Honesty. Commitment.You. Me. Us]

If I were a boy

even just for a day

I'd roll out of bed in the morning

and throw on what I wanted and go

Drink beer with the guys

and chase after girls

I'd kick it with who I wanted
and I'd
never get confronted for it 
cause they stick up for me

If I were a boy

I think I could understand

How it feels to love a girl

I swear I'd be a better man

I'd listen to her

Cause I know how it hurts

When you lose the one you wanted

Cause he's taking you for granted

And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy

I would turn off my phone

Tell everyone it's broken
so they'd
think that I was sleeping alone

I’d put myself first

and make the rules as I go

Cause I know that she’ll be faithful,

waiting for me to come home, to come home.

CHORUS

It's a little too late
for you to come back

Say it's just a mistake,

think i'd forgive you like that

If you thought I would wait for you
you thought wrong


But you're just a boy

You don't understand

and you don't understand, ohhhh

How it feels to love a girl

Someday you wish you were a better man

You don't listen to her

You don't care how it hurts

Until you lose the one you wanted

Cause you're taking her for granted

And everything you had got destroyed

But you’re just a boy

Inglese 5 - Hot'n'Cold

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah, you PMS like a bitch
I would know

And you overthink
Always speak cryptically
I should know
That you're no good for me

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna stay, no
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

We used to be just like twins, so in sync
The same energy now's a dead battery
Used to laugh 'bout nothing
Now you're plain boring
I should know
That you're not gonna change

CHORUS

Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bipolar
Stuck on a rollercoaster
Can't get off this ride

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes

'Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You, you don't really wanna stay, no
You, but you don't really wanna go, oh

you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

down, down, down...

Inglese 2 - song (03/2009)

Click on the post title or go to this address:
http://www.divshare.com/download/6971474-c7d

A new web page will open.

On the right menu, choose 'Download original'.

Inglese 4- song (03/2009)

Click on the post title or go to this address:
http://www.divshare.com/download/6971469-4e5

A new web page will open.

On the right menu, choose 'Download original'.

Inglese 5 - song (03/2009)

Click on the post title or go to this address:
http://www.divshare.com/download/6971441-b58

A new web page will open.

On the right menu, choose 'Download original'.

teacher in concert :-)

“E’ Finita La Stagione Della Pioggia”
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